I’m seeking advice on something that has been bugging me for the last couple of days. We finalised our second exchange as guests last week. Everything went pretty smoothly, communication was always very polite, we followed the host’s instructions - including bringing our own sheets and towels, watering the plants/garden twice over 5 days - and left the house cleaner than it was. In their review they gave us a 4-star rating for politeness with the following comment: “For future reference, a little note of thanks is always nice to receive as a host.”
While I agree that it’s by all means a nice thing to do, this made me very sad. I think it’s unfair to penalise a guest for something that should be considered an extra touch. Of course, I’m pleased to find a little note or a small token of appreciation from my guests when I come back to my house, but I never expect it.
I did want to leave a card, a little something, but to be honest it slipped my mind (I just had a lot going on mentally): on the morning of our departure we were rushing to leave the house clean and tidy and get in the car early to beat the traffic as we had a long journey ahead. But the first thing I did as I got in the car was to send the host a nice text to let them know that we had left, and to say thank you.
As new members, we are still learning how to be better guests and hosts, but I am now concerned that this rating might make us look unappreciative and penalise us with potential future hosts. We would have much preferred to receive this feedback as a private message from a more experienced exchanger.
Has anyone experienced something similar, and should I be worried about the impact this could have on future exchange requests?
When I read situations like this, it makes me sad to think about the direction home exchange seems to be taking. Between overly demanding guests who seem to think they are staying in a five-star hotel, making demands and complaints as if they had paid for a luxury service — while saving themselves the bill — and overly particular hosts who make judgments like the one you have received, I think HE should make a real effort to remind the community, especially newcomers, that home exchange is, above all, based on mutual trust and gratitude.
Your host should be grateful that you took care of their home and plants, rather than criticizing you for not leaving a note or a thank-you gift. Of course, it is always lovely to find a little gesture when you arrive home, but it is obviously not an obligation and, even less so, something that should become a reason to criticize or judge the quality of an exchange.
That said, I really wouldn’t worry at all about the comment they made about you. On the contrary: if I read something like that about a family, it would probably make me realize that I wouldn’t want to host the person who wrote it in my home.
So I wouldn’t give it another thought. Just keep enjoying the beautiful side of home exchange and all the wonderful experiences you still have ahead of you.
I fully afree with illoparts comment!
Though it’s nice to get something to welcome you when you’re a guest, and to have a thank you when you’re a host, this should never be obligated. I wouldn’t think of deducting a star for something like that!
I completely agree with the other comments here. Your host was being completely unreasonable. Nobody should receive a points deduction for not leaving a gift or thank you card. This sounds to me like extortion on the part of this host! If you have followed the house rules and left the home as you found it, or paid the cleaning fee, if applicable, and communicated in a clear and timely manner with the host; then you should receive no deductions at all.
